Last week we started our series, Intimacy in the Christian Marriage. I want to mention that this series is written from one Sister to another. I am sure that there is much that could be said on the husband’s vital role in this area. However, that is not the purpose of this series. I want to share with other women who desire to know what intimacy in the Christian marriage should look like. I hope we can answer those heart questions that are often too hard to ask. With that said, let’s get started. Last week as we concluded the first post I wrote with this question, “So how are we to behave in this most intimate time of marriage?” In today’s post, we’re going to address this very question,
“How then should we behave?”
Before we address the details of our behavior, I believe it’s important for us to establish our role. If we know “who” we are, it helps us understand “how” we should act!
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
The Scripture clearly tells us that a man who finds a wife has found a “good” thing and “obtaineth favor” of the Lord.This has been an instrumental passage for me to know how to conduct myself in a variety of settings including the marriage bed. I am to behave in such a way that it is “good” and displays the “favor” of God!
Here in our home we have consistently told our daughters that they are a princess. In fact, my Joe tells them their mommy is too. We are daughters of the King; we don’t behave like the world. We don’t dress like the world. We don’t talk like the world! The world can’t understand us. Their ways are not our ways. For that matter, we don’t understand them either. The Scriptures say that we are a peculiar people!
1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;
We are a royal people! Everything we do looks different, or at least it should! No matter what activity we are involved in we are to be living as a daughter of the King, a princess!
Do you know “who” you are in Christ?
Once we know “who” we are we can clearly discover “how” we should behave!
I love that last part of 1 Peter 2:9 “that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;”
It’s critical for the Christian marriage union to be a continuation of showing forth the praises of Him who has called us out of “darkness and into His marvellous light”.
Does your marriage bed resemble this Truth? It should!
As we continue to search for how we should behave let’s look at these passages of Scripture:
Proverbs 31: 11-12 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Proverbs 12: 4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
With the above passages as reference let’s see what we can glean from them on how we should behave as we consider the intimacy of the Christian marriage.
First, we need to make sure that our conduct is “safe” for our husbands. That we are not causing him any harm, evil, or spoil! The way we dress, speak, behave is it “safe” for our men or does it lead them into dangerous thoughts and actions that cause them spiritual harm?
- A practical example of this point would be to make sure you’re not allowing things of “darkness” into the bedroom. It’s okay to dress in a way that is attractive to your husband. It is not okay to dress in a way that resembles what the Scriptures refer to as a “strange” woman.
Secondly, we should understand that the application of being prudent in this area of our marriage will protect the future of our marriage. Just consider the definition of prudent. It is defined as, “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” Have you given thought to how you can be prudent in this area of your marriage?
- A practical example in this area would be the multiple ways we can show careful thought for the future of our marriage through the present moment. Before you speak or act, ask yourself, “how does this impact the health of our marriage?” Am I building my marriage up by my actions and words or am I undermining it’s foundation? Am I tearing down my home with my own hands?
Lastly, we need to make sure that we are honoring the marriage union in all of our actions! We do not want to defile it in any way. We have been called out of darkness and into His marvelous light! We should not be doing or saying anything that brings shame! If there is shame in these intimate moments, it will only bring rottenness!
Intimacy in the Christian marriage was God’s idea, there should be no shame! It is truly a beautiful union that has been blessed by God himself!
Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Our moments of intimacy in marriage should show forth His praise! God created this act of oneness so that even in this we can declare His Glory!
As you consider these passages, does it help you see a clear picture on how we should behave when dealing with intimacy in the Christian marriage?
Later this week I will be addressing the next common question, How do we help husbands that struggle with pornography and its influence in the bedroom.” Before the week ends we’ll tackle the subject about how to deal with intimacy in marriage when we don’t “feel” like participating.
Thank you to everyone that took the time to write me. I was encouraged by the comments and messages that came through via MOM’s Mailbox. Do you know how to write me privately? If you ever need to ask a question feel free to click on the mailbox on the upper right-hand corner. A drop down menu will appear. Simply fill that out, and I’ll be able to read and reply as soon as I can.
Because of His Grace,
Mrs. Joseph Wood
For more in this series continuing reading here:
Part 1- Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?
Part 3- Overcoming Pornography
Part 4- When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate
Part 5- Your Questions Answered