Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 5 ~ Your Questions Answered

With a series like “Intimacy in the Christian Marriage” there are bound to be questions. There were questions in my mailbox before I even posted the first of this series, Intimacy in the Christian Marriage. It’s important to me that I answer all of these questions for you and others. I know this is a difficult subject to discuss. However, if we don’t start talking about it as an “older” woman to a “younger” woman we risk leading the “younger” women to all the wrong sources. We want to be “older” women who share thoughts based on the Truth of the Word of God. I want you to live victoriously in this area of your life! I want to see your marriage thrive for the glory of God! Let’s see if I can’t help provide you direction with that goal in mind.

Intimacy in Marriage Part 5 ~ Your Questions Answered www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and equipping moms in their ministry in the home

Question #1 So as someone who was sexually abused. How do we get past the feeling of being dirty to satisfy my husband and the ability to open up to him and fulfill his requests? What acts are pleasing to God? That is an area I have never been informed in and it already hard to open up. What is proper and what is not?

Answer: Intimacy can be a very challenging area of marriage for couples who have been through abuse. However, we know that God restores what the locus has taken. We know that He wants the married couple to experience the beauty of intimacy in a way that brings him Glory. So how can you make that transition? By the grace of God! Seeking Him for direction in this area of your marriage is absolutely necessary! God cares about these details.

The details of what is okay to do and what is not will vary greatly from couple to couple. The foundation of where to get the “okay” is found through Scripture. Use Scripture as a ruler when you consider what is acceptable and what is not. I love weighing my actions, thoughts, and words against Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Ask yourself, “Is this true, is this honest, is this lovely, is this of a “good report”, if you feel like the answer is no to that question, talk to your spouse and discuss how to build your times of intimacy on this principal. 

Question #2 There are things he wants that I’m not comfortable with, but am I even allowed to feel that way? Are my hang ups things I need to work through or are his expectations unrealistic because of his years viewing porn and how do you tell the difference?

Answer: I discussed this a bit in the question above. However, I want to make sure I answer your question specifically. You asked, “Am I even allowed to feel that way?” Your feelings are given to you as a guide. We are not to be ruled by our feelings, but we must own the fact that God gave us feelings so how does he want us to use them for His purpose. I teach my children that those feelings can be used wisely or foolishly. I say all this to say, “YES!” you are allowed to have those feelings. Those feelings may very well be from the Lord. It’s important to talk with your spouse and ask that you build this time of your relationship very purposefully. Talk about what you both feel is pure, true, and lovely in the sight of God. Only do what you both agree to fit these guidelines. I firmly believe that the Christian couple should stay away from anything that would have the appearance of evil. Our time of intimacy should not look anything like pornography. 

Question #3 How much do you feel should be “explained” before a bride and groom get married. I’ve heard conflicting reports on this. Some say they need to know it all, some say you are violating their first- time experience. If you have older children, how much have you explained as far as intimacy goes…all of it so they know what to expect or leave it to explore together? Thank you!

For our family, I discussed the act of intimacy from a physiological aspect, the purpose of intimacy, the lies they might hear about intimacy, and then I answer any questions they might have. It’s a precious time of conversation between myself and my girls. My married daughters still feel comfortable to call me today with questions. I do my best always to be available to answer those questions as an “older” woman in their life teaching them first to love their God, their husband, and their children. I have richly, and I do mean richly savored the moments of mothering my adult children. I am thankful the Lord has given each of them spouses who honor me and trust what I am saying to their wife. I don’t take that responsibility lightly. 

Do you have a question? If so make sure you leave a comment below, and I will do my best to answer. 

Until our next chat, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

 

 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Part 4

Intimacy in the Christian marriage, part 4 is as important as the first three posts in this series. Quite often, I hear from women the question, “What do I do when I don’t feel like being intimate and he does?”

Okay, so we’ve probably all been there at least once in our marriage. We’ve battled toddlers with tummy bugs, cleaned up the bathroom floor more times than we can count, had unexpected tasks that demanded our attention in the midst of it, the laundry baskets are overflowing and the sink is somewhere under a pile of dishes. We determine that we’re going to accomplish the basic survival tasks for the day and go to bed with a clean house and happy family! As we plop ourselves down in bed at the end of it in exhaustion, we hear our husband’s request for intimacy.

Communication is a HUGE component within intimacy. It’s important that we can clearly communicate our needs to our husbands and that they can communicate their needs with us. As with so many other areas of marriage it’s about each party giving to the other for the better of that person and the sacred union they share in marriage.

With that said, it’s important that we don’t deny our spouse of this time of intimacy very often! In fact, the Scriptures say:

1 Corinthians 7:5 ” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

What’s interesting about this passage in 1 Corinthians is that it says, “Defraud” ye not one the other. This word defraud comes from the Greek word, apostereō, which means to defraud, spoil, or rob. 

When we consider the actually meaning of this word, defraud, we can see the danger in not being honest with one another through intimacy. An example of this fraud would be pretending we’re asleep. Or what about the danger we put ourselves in when we spoil this time of intimacy with a bad attitude?  Or simply rob our spouse of intimacy all of which can lead to the dangerous undermining of our marriages! 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 4: What do I do when I don't feel like being intimate? www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and equipping women in their ministry in their home.

Not only being available for our spouse, but cheerfully available, is vital to a healthy marriage! 

We know that we can’t do anything good on our own. We are deceiving ourselves if we think it’s really us that makes us create a delightful marriage bed. That too is only the work of the Lord! Let me give you some tips to help us make sure we’re keeping our eyes on the Lord and activity aware of what we need to do to protect this area of marriage so that, “Satan tempt” us not for our “inconsistency”. 

Devote this time to consistent prayer!

Walking in patience and unity in this time of marriage, is just as important as walking in unity with finances, child training, or other issues of creating your “home” atmosphere. 

Remember the passage we talked about today and consider practical ways to apply the truth and be ever aware of the warning! 

I was listening to Michelle Duggar share about this topic recently. She said something to the effect of this; Anyone can iron my husband’s clothes, or answer his calls, but it’s only me that is blessed to serve him in this area of his life. She went on about how she’s used that thought to remind her, throughout the years, of how in this one area she is the only woman who satisfies her husband!

As we consider this passage in 1 Cor., as we really ponder the application of the meaning of “defraud” as it’s used in this verse, I believe all of us can see areas where we can improve our response to intimacy when we’re exhausted. Don’t let the enemy have any room to undermine your marriage. Be active. Communicate! Be purposeful in having a thriving marriage! 

With much love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 3


Monday, we talked about Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2 How then should we behave. As I started this series it was important to me to answer the most common questions I get asked. Today, we address an aspect that is very personal and has put a strain on many Christian Marriages. Pornography.

Remember when we discussed how we should behave, and I mentioned that we were to put 1 Peter 2:9 into action?

1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;

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Pornography and all that goes along with it is part of that darkness that we’ve been called out of. It has no place in the Christian marriage.

Pornography will undermine the foundation of your marriage. Remember, Proverbs 19:14? A prudent wife is from the Lord. Prudent was defined as, “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” We must consider what we are allowing in this blessed area of intimacy within the Christian Marriage. 

When I talk to women about this subject, finding common ground on the devastating impact of pornography isn’t the issue. The issue most often comes down to the fact that either the husband or the wife (Yes, wives struggle in this area too!) are struggling with the shame and addiction of pornography. It has impacted their relationship to such a depth that often the very foundation of their marriage is crumbling! 

Many times they clearly know that what they are doing is not shewing “forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;”  Yet, they are unclear how to develop thoughts that are Biblically accurate. 

First, let me say that if it is your spouse that struggles in this area, there is Hope! 

While we may find it difficult not to “weigh” sin. God says that all sin leads to death. You can pray for your spouse and this issue of pornography just like you would want your spouse to pray for your struggle with gossip, slothfulness, or not honoring your parents. 

Secondly, I would encourage you to show respect toward your husband while you remain pure in your conduct. Even unsaved husbands can be won to the Lord, not by our words, but by our conduct. We have a great responsibility to the Lord for how we behave! 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct

Lastly, I want to encourage you to be patient. Overcoming sin in our lives can take time. It’s God that does the restoration work. We know we can’t do anything good on our own. It is God alone that will complete the good work that He has begun. We must be confident in His ability and His timing!

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: 

Five Tips to overcome pornography within the Christian marriage: 

1- Confess! You must first acknowledge that your actions are sin

2- Create a system of accountability in your life with people you can trust and be transparent with

3- Remove all temptation as you can, but remember temptations will always present themselves. It’s how we respond to those temptations that is critical! Make sure you turn the other way! 

4- Get in the Word. It is only God’s Word that is promised not to return void! 

5- Repent day by day! If you fall, don’t stay there.. get back up and strive to do right! 

I know that in the midst of the struggle, sometimes our confidence can tire. Often these personal struggles remain unspoken until they have taken a toll on the marriage altogether. Don’t isolate yourself! You are not alone!! Do not grow weary in well doing! Get connected with women that will love you and support you to love your husband in a way that shews forth His praises. 

Do you have specific questions about this topic? I invite you to write me. I would love to answer them for you as the Lord leads. I would be honored to pray with you as well! 

Because of His Love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2

Last week we started our series, Intimacy in the Christian Marriage. I want to mention that this series is written from one Sister to another. I am sure that there is much that could be said on the husband’s vital role in this area. However, that is not the purpose of this series. I want to share with other women who desire to know what intimacy in the Christian marriage should look like. I hope we can answer those heart questions that are often too hard to ask. With that said, let’s get started. Last week as we concluded the first post I wrote with this question, “So how are we to behave in this most intimate time of marriage?” In today’s post, we’re going to address this very question,

“How then should we behave?”

Before we address the details of our behavior, I believe it’s important for us to establish our role. If we know “who” we are, it helps us understand “how” we should act!

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

The Scripture clearly tells us that a man who finds a wife has found a “good” thing and “obtaineth favor” of the Lord.This has been an instrumental passage for me to know how to conduct myself in a variety of settings including the marriage bed. I am to behave in such a way that it is “good” and displays the “favor” of God!

Here in our home we have consistently told our daughters that they are a princess. In fact, my Joe tells them their mommy is too. We are daughters of the King; we don’t behave like the world. We don’t dress like the world. We don’t talk like the world! The world can’t understand us. Their ways are not our ways. For that matter, we don’t understand them either. The Scriptures say that we are a peculiar people!

1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;

We are a royal people! Everything we do looks different, or at least it should! No matter what activity we are involved in we are to be living as a daughter of the King, a princess!

Do you know “who” you are in Christ?

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Once we know “who” we are we can clearly discover “how” we should behave!

I love that last part of 1 Peter 2:9that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;” 

It’s critical for the Christian marriage union to be a continuation of showing forth the praises of Him who has called us out of “darkness and into His marvellous light”.

Does your marriage bed resemble this Truth? It should!

As we continue to search for how we should behave let’s look at these passages of Scripture:

Proverbs 31: 11-12 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Proverbs 12: 4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

With the above passages as reference let’s see what we can glean from them on how we should behave as we consider the intimacy of the Christian marriage. 

First, we need to make sure that our conduct is “safe” for our husbands. That we are not causing him any harm, evil, or spoil! The way we dress, speak, behave is it “safe” for our men or does it lead them into dangerous thoughts and actions that cause them spiritual harm?  

  • A practical example of this point would be to make sure you’re not allowing things of “darkness” into the bedroom. It’s okay to dress in a way that is attractive to your husband. It is not okay to dress in a way that resembles what the Scriptures refer to as a “strange” woman.

Secondly, we should understand that the application of being prudent in this area of our marriage will protect the future of our marriage. Just consider the definition of prudent. It is defined as, “acting with or showing care and thought for the future.” Have you given thought to how you can be prudent in this area of your marriage? 

  • A practical example in this area would be the multiple ways we can show careful thought for the future of our marriage through the present moment. Before you speak or act, ask yourself,  “how does this impact the health of our marriage?” Am I building my marriage up by my actions and words or am I undermining it’s foundation?  Am I tearing down my home with my own hands?

Lastly, we need to make sure that we are honoring the marriage union in all of our actions!  We do not want to defile it in any way. We have been called out of darkness and into His marvelous light! We should not be doing or saying anything that brings shame! If there is shame in these intimate moments, it will only bring rottenness!

Intimacy in the Christian marriage was God’s idea, there should be no shame! It is truly a beautiful union that has been blessed by God himself!

Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Our moments of intimacy in marriage should show forth His praise! God created this act of oneness so that even in this we can declare His Glory!

As you consider these passages, does it help you see a clear picture on how we should behave when dealing with intimacy in the Christian marriage?

Later this week I will be addressing the next common question, How do we help husbands that struggle with pornography and its influence in the bedroom.”  Before the week ends we’ll tackle the subject about how to deal with intimacy in marriage when we don’t “feel” like participating.

Thank you to everyone that took the time to write me. I was encouraged by the comments and messages that came through via MOM’s Mailbox. Do you know how to write me privately? If you ever need to ask a question feel free to click on the mailbox on the upper right-hand corner. A drop down menu will appear. Simply fill that out, and I’ll be able to read and reply as soon as I can.

Because of His Grace,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

For more in this series continuing reading here:

Part 1- Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 3- Overcoming Pornography

Part 4- When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

Part 5- Your Questions Answered

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 1

Intimacy in the Christian marriage must be a subject I get asked most about from young mommas. There’s a good reason for that. It is such a vital aspect of marriage and yet, the “older women” who were to teach the younger women how to love their husbands, and children have really remained silent on the topic. This has caused  many to seek council apart from those that know Truth. We need to try and help in this area. No matter how “old” we are, we are probably an “older” woman to someone.

Well, let’s see if I can help in some way to answer your questions.

There are so many personal factors that go into a subject like this. It’s normally best as a conversation one on one with each other. I will have to answer “generally” and pray that God uses this post to help you experience the beauty of intimacy that He created!

God is not silent on this subject. He cares deeply about His people experiencing the pleasure of intimacy between husband and wife.

We were created to glorify God and while it may seem odd to some or uncomfortable at first, we most definitely can glorify God in the marriage bed.

So, what does God have to say on this subject? How do we really glorify Him in this area of our lives?

God has plenty to say!

It all started in Genesis!

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage ~ What does God have to say about it?

Genesis 1: 27-28 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them and God said unto them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. 

In Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an helpmeet for him. 

God established the union of marriage between a man and woman from the very beginning. It is God’s plan for one man and one woman to be joined in marriage establishing the start of a family unit in which children will be born and raised for His glory. However, that wasn’t his only purpose of creating this union! If you examine Scripture, you’ll see that often he lets us know of great sorrow and how others were comforted through this action of oneness. Other passages talk to us about the delight of intimacy, and others warn us of neglecting this area of our marriage.

 1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

God created us to “know” each other through this intimate act of marriage on a regular basis. So then, how does it become something beautiful and Holy when the world seems to have made it simply an act of human instinct with no rules, no boundaries, and its only purpose is self-satisfaction?

To answer that simply, it will become a Holy experience when we direct our hearts to seek God even through the intimate moments between husband and wife. When we turn off the lights, and shut the door we need to make sure we’ve not tried to put God on the other side of that door. We must allow Him to be God and rule our hearts and thoughts even in this time of intimacy.

Boy, there’s a lot for us to talk about on this topic isn’t there?! I want to make sure I’m keeping it clear and building a good foundation that we can all develop our thoughts on, the Word of God. Make sure you send your specific questions in to me with our, Mom’s mailbox feature, and I will include them anonymously in this series.

So how are we to behave in this most intimate time of marriage? What is okay and what’s not is probably the question that is asked of me most. Next would be how to help husbands that struggle with pornography and it’s influence in the bedroom. Then would be the question of how to handle this time of marriage when we don’t “feel” like participating. Are these a few of the questions you’ve had? Do you have other questions? I would love to hear from you and answer as the Lord allows me!

I invite you to join my dear Sister in Christ, Darlene, on her new site Marriage Prayers to begin covering your marriage in prayer 365 days a year!

I will be posting Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 2 on Monday. I hope you’ll join me then!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

For more in this series continuing reading here:

Part 2– How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

Marriage Moment: Challenge

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Forgiveness! Without it every marriage would dissolve! Two people can not live together for any period of time and not have to extend forgiveness to one another. Sometimes offering forgiveness can be easy other times it can feel as if it is impossible. However, truth be told, without forgiveness your marriage can not survive much less thrive as God intended the family to do. Consider if there is anything you have not forgiven your spouse for and make a point to offer forgiveness now. Not because they “deserve” it. Instead, offer forgiveness because of all that God has forgiven you! Your marriage will be better for it!

Until our next chat,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

Marriage Moment: What Does it Take to Make a Good Marriage?

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Recently my husband and I were asked by a young man, who is considering marriage, if we would share what we felt it took to make a good marriage. It is a humbling question. Simply because it makes you face the reality that nothing good in our marriage is because of us. Here are a few things we shared.

Grow Spiritually Together– I can’t tell you how many couples we see dirt apart because one spouse grows in their relationship with the Lord while the other neglects their relationship with the Lord. Make time to pray together, share your devotions together, and worship together. Even if it’s brief.. it’s essential!

Communication- open, truthful, transparent, unguarded conversation and lots of it!

Healthy Expectations– letting go of unspoken or unrealistic expectations for yourself or for your spouse.

Invest in one another’s interests– Take an interest or participate as much as possible in the things that interest your spouse.

Dream Together– Don’t just take time to dream together, but make sure you’re working together towards those dreams. Remind each other that you’re there for the other person no matter what life brings.

Friendship– cultivating our friendship like we cultivate a garden is essential! Get rid of the weeds, tenderly caring for what’s growing, and harvesting the reward of God’s blessing on our relationship.

Marriage Moments: Communicating and Playing Games Together

Communicating & Games

What he hears?
Communicating with our husbands is something each one of us must learn and is truly unique to the relationship. The other day I was reminded that while I might think I am saying something in a helpful way, I need to make sure that is how he hears it. I don’t want to come across as nagging or bossing. I only want to come across helpful. I mean after all, isn’t that what being a help meet is all about! Make sure you take time stop and consider what your husband hears before you speak. Ask the Lord to help you communicate clearly for His glory. I know your marriage will be better for it!

Play a game with your spouse?
Do you play with our spouse? I know sometimes life can get very demanding and time consuming. It can be hard for us to remember to block out time for just some fun. In our home we love to set aside time for playing a game together. There have been many times over the years when we’ve enjoyed a chess game before bed, Scrabble or Upwords. It was/is our time after the children are in bed, after a long day when we can just play together!

Abiding Still,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

Investing by Example

Making a real and lasting impact in our home is not made with careless and  thoughtless actions. We must not foolishly squander the Lords time with our own plans. We need to be in prayer and invest in our husbands on purpose. It is critical for us to remember that we were created to be our husband’s helpmeet he was not created to be our helpmeet! Investing by example can seem hard, overwhelming, or simply impossible.  However, this is exactly what God has shown us to do through His Word. As wives we need to grasp the depth of our life influence on our husbands and use that influence to the glory of God.

I know for myself, at the beginning of our marriage, I had no clue what investing in my husband even meant. Perhaps you have the same questions of what this investment might look like. Let’s go to the Scriptures and review just one of the examples that the Lord gives us through His Word.

We can read the example of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25

She humbled herself instead of pridefully lifting herself up. So many times when we know our husband is in error we forget the beauty of humbling ourselves and instead look to show them every detail of how they are wrong. This doesn’t mean that we aren’t to tell our husbands when we think they are making a mistake. I am just saying that quite often it is with pride we lift ourselves above them instead of humbling ourselves before the Lord.

Abigail was not slothful in taking action. She knew that her husband’s actions were grievous and went to work to save her household. Abigail did not put off doing what she knew was right before the Lord. We need to remember to be prompt in our service to the Lord and take action quickly!

In verse 19 we read she “told not her husband” she kept silent and behaved wisely allowing the Lord to deal with her husband. We talked about this on Monday. Our husbands need to hear from us, just not as much as we all think they do! There are also times, like Abigail, when words would prove fruitless. It is our actions that speak volumes!

Read verse 24-31 She pleads with David on behalf of her household. Abigail takes responsibility for her husband’s folly. Instead of placing the blame on him she asks for mercy from David. When women share their concerns regarding marriage it is rare for me to hear them speak with humility. Often their conversation is filled with pride, anger, and hurt. Abigail could have had all these emotions as well yet, she purposely chose humility.

Abigail was fully aware that her husband must be accountable to God for his actions. She did not want to be part of his folly therefore, she separates herself from the sin of her husband. Often in troubled marriages there is sin going on. Questions arise such as, “What is okay for me to do and not okay? When do I speak up and when do I remain silent?” These are unique to each of us and in each situation. However, this example of Abigail makes it very clear that she did not participate in the sin of her husband. We know this wasn’t his first display of his folly. Abigail had surely seen and lived quietly through many others. There is prudence in knowing when to act and when to remain quiet at the feet of the Lord.

It’s very important for us to think about what our motives are in our conversations and actions. What result am I trusting God for? Do our actions lead to the glory of God or to make us look good? Abigail’s actions led to a beautiful conclusion,  our actions can lead to the same blessing if we act in obedience with humility before our God.

1 Samuel 25: 32 And David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me.”

May we each invest in our marriages by example, for His Glory!

Because of His Grace,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

What does your Marriage Portfolio look like?

What’s your marriage portfolio look like? Is it in the red or does it show the dividends from your faithful and wise investment?  In this series I have tried to focus on me, my responsibility, and my personal decisions. My husband has helped me talk through the writing of each post however, if he were to write these notes I am sure they would be about him, his heart, and the changes that God was calling him to make. He would share about his purposeful investment in me. It’s important that we focus on ourselves and not on our spouses through this series. This week I will talk about practical ways we make good investments in our marriages and homes. I know the Lord will bless us for our obedience. It will not go unnoticed by the Lord.

Let’s first talk about the investments we make through our communication, or lack of it.

  • A poor investment would be an example of a woman keeping silent when she knows the Lord told her to speak. Withholding information we know our husband needs because of bitterness or hurt is unacceptable.
  • A poor investment would be an example of a woman that speaks when the Lord hasn’t instructed her to do so. A poor investment is the need to always have the last word! A poor investment would be nagging and complaining. While our subject matter might be important we will never be blessed when we speak out of turn. Can you imagine what would have happened if Esther had just barged into her husbands chambers demanding him to do something?! I remember a time I really wanted my husband to do something specific. It wasn’t just a good idea, I had Scripture to back me up (boy is that a poor investment. Using Scripture out of context to manipulate a conversation!) at any rate, I can’t count how many times and how many ways I presented my case. Finally, in sheer exhaustion (I wish it had been spiritual maturity) I gave up! It was a few months later that my husband came to me with this “Great Idea” he had. I sat listening to him tell me how he wanted to start doing such and such. It was exactly what I had been bugging him about for months. When he was all done speaking I said, “Joe why is that I asked you….no begged you to do that for months and you never even responded to my request and now it’s your idea and your passionate about it?” I won’t ever forget his reply! He said, “Jeanette when you shut up I could finally hear the voice of the Lord!” Oh, how that hit me! He was right! I can be so “loud” that my husband can’t discern if it’s the Lord’s voice he is hearing or just the clamoring of his wife. That life lesson has helped me abundantly when I have felt I just had to say something one more time. 
  • A neglectful investment would be each word we fail to speak that could build our husbands up. When was the last time we built our husbands up with our words instead of pointing out all his shortcomings? This needs to be a regular habit for us not just a once in awhile activity.
We want to purposefully and prayerfully invest in our husbands with each word we speak.
  • I have found that pondering my own heart motive for my conversation is very helpful to making a great investment! Why am I saying this? Is it for my purpose or the Lords? What do I hope to gain from my conversation?
  • I’ve also discovered the Truth from Proverbs 10:19- In the multitude of words there lacks not sin: but he that refrains his lips is wise. I challenge each of us to bring our words before the Lord before we utter a sound.
  • I have also received a great return from applying the Truth from Proverbs 31:26  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. I can not open my mouth with Wisdom if I am not in the Word and in a regular relationship of communication with the Lord. This area of my life must be in order before I speak to anyone, especially my husband.

Wednesday we will discuss ways we can invest in our marriage through our daily example. I hope you’ll continue to join us. Please do not hesitate to write us if you have questions or would like us to pray with you. We both feel very blessed to share in your life and pray for you as the Lord leads.

Our prayer: Lord, forgive us when we carelessly and even recklessly speak in our homes. Lord, heal the heart wounds from each word we have spoken out of turn. Teach us to pray before we speak, make us ever aware of our motives for conversation. Lord, we ask that you would give us an extra measure of grace in this area and thank you for the mercy you’ve already poured out on our households. In Jesus Name we pray, amen!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood