Real life moments with my family as we live and grow on the farm!

Don’t Go There

“Don’t go there!”

Do you remember being a child and hearing, “Don’t touch that.. Don’t run in the street, Don’t stay out too late…?”

Sometimes we can resent those moments of being told “Don’t… ” yet, they can save our lives, mental health, and relationships!

As I was driving the 28-hour drive to visit family this week, my mind had time to ponder a painful reality. I have a daughter who suffers from mental illness. Despite all of my efforts, I don’t ever seem to reach her heart. As I traveled, I listened to my married daughter and daughter in love talk and giggle as we drove. I thought about how my daughter, Beth Joy, who was driving 12 hours with her husband just to meet us. I listened to my grand babies play. While my heart rejoiced in the love that I had through these relationships, I couldn’t deny the pain in the fact that I don’t have that kind of relationship with my other daughter…

The pain in that realization can be monumental at times.

As I drove that long stretch of road, I went from praying about those feelings of inadequacy and concern. From praying about those questions, I have about her future, to doing nothing more than worrying about all of those things. When I finally realized where my thoughts had taken me that they were not Truth or in the slightest way productive, I quietly told myself;

As I drove that long stretch of road, I went from praying about those feelings of inadequacy and concern. From praying about those questions, I have about her future, to doing nothing more than worrying about all of those things. When I finally realized where my thoughts had taken me that they were not Truth or in the slightest way productive, I quietly told myself;

 

“Don’t go there.”

It’s not what I say to hide from the truth, or so that I won’t have to face the fact that must be faced head-on. I tell myself, “Don’t go there” when I know my thoughts are only thoughts of uselessness. Thoughts of worry, anxiousness, guilt, or all of the “what if’s.” These are all thoughts that I have been commanded to take captive! Paul reminds us that our battle is not against flesh and blood. He uses this idea of military action, of taking something captive, to instill in us the need to be aggressive, swift, and purposeful in seizing any thoughts that do not line up with Scriptural Truth.

2 Corinthians 10:5

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

"Don't Go There" ~ Guarding your heart and mind while parenting a mentally ill child.

So on what do we think? How do we know when our thoughts are going off track, and when do we tell ourselves, “Don’t go there!?”

Philippians 4:8-9

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Learning to be an Overcomer through stressful situations, has a great deal to do with our ability to take those useless thoughts captive. We must learn to line our thoughts up with Scripture! We become better at taking our thoughts captive the more we do it! So, don’t get discouraged in taking those thoughts captive! The next time your mind wanders into thoughts of anxiousness, worry, guilt, or shame, tell yourself, “Don’t go there!” and set your attention on this Truth from Scripture instead.

Taking our thoughts captive is vital in whatever storm we may be facing. If you are working in this area in your life as well, post a comment, and I will pray for both of us!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

I believe in YOU!

This last month has been HARD.

In my last post, Blogging through Brokenness, I shared briefly what was going on.

Before I begin, I want to stress this isn’t about ME, however, MY story is the only story I can or would ever want to share!

I was sharing with my Joe today how weary I feel at times. He is often away from home so all the hard meetings, decisions, and conversations are happening while he’s away. I am relaying everything to him as I can, but it’s not the same. Sometimes this feels like too heavy of a burden to carry. I remember that God has gone before me. He’s in this moment and He will meet me in the next moment also!

Dear Sister, I understand the heartache, the frustration, the weariness. Let us not grow weary in well doing. Let us  trust Him even when it feels like we can't trust anyone or anything else!

Today, as we met with yet another professional, I was asked the same question I’ve been asked over and over, again, “What are your thoughts about your daughter?”  I said, “I believe there is a beautiful girl in my daughter. She just needs the Lord and others to help bring that beauty out.” I didn’t think anything about it. I believe the words I spoke.

Later tonight as we prepared for bed, my daughter, asked me about the words I shared. Actually, she laughed at me for saying them. Mocking me as she repeated them. I wasn’t offended. I’ve learned as a mom how to not take things personal… Most of the time!

When I asked her why she was laughing at me ,she said, “You always believe the best in people. Why? It only hurts you!  Even the other kids tell you that you should stop.  It only hurts you to keep believing the best.”

I calmly replied, “Then I chose to hurt. I have purposefully decided that I want to continue thinking the best of people; I want to think the best of you. I don’t want to live my life thinking less than the best.” I am not naive. I have considered my options. I am not in denial. I am very much in the real life painful moments of my daughters’ decisions. However, I must keep trusting God to make beauty out of ashes!

Sure, I don’t trust her like I use to. There are new rules and boundaries that have been set. Choices are being made that are a result of her past decisions. There are consequences. I want to prayerfully and purposefully choose each word and action taken.

There are so many people who have never heard a parent say, “I believe in you.” I don’t want one of my children to have to say that. No matter where they go in this life, I want them to know their mother believed they had beauty inside if only they would surrender their life to the Lord…

 

Does your child know you believe there is beauty inside of them? Do YOU know there is beauty inside of them no matter where their sin has taken them?

Dear Sister, I understand the heartache, the frustration, the weariness. Let us not grow weary in well doing. Let us  trust Him even when it feels like we can’t trust anyone or anything else!

Until our next chat,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

Blogging through Brokenness

It’s been difficult to blog this last month.

Not because of neglect or because I have forgotten the beautiful women that are part of this site.

Rather, it has been because of brokenness. 

As many of you know we have adopted a little girl with Reactive Attachment Disorder, (RAD). Parenting her the last 11 years has been an experience that the Father has used to mold me into a better woman, wife, and mother.

My husband and I have often reminded each other of the resolve we have to show love, boundaries, and consistency. She has always struggled with manipulation and defiance and all that comes with that, however, none of us knew how deep her struggle with sin had taken her.

I still remember where I was standing when my world turned upside down. Some day, maybe, the Lord will let me share the details of this event in our lives. The event that He allowed to happen and promises to use for our good.

Maybe, someday.

I searched the Lord, talked to those counselors in our life, and was more than willing to close the doors of A Moment with MOM. However, as I asked each the question, “Should we shut the doors of the MOM site?” Each (unknowing to the other) said, “Maybe for a week or so.”

I was truly shocked. I thought for sure this would be when God said, “Jeanette, you’re done. Hang up your hat.” I was perfectly okay with that answer. Maybe, deep down inside, I even wanted that answer. A Moment with MOM is not here for me… It’s here for Him!

When every single person suggested we kept the site going my next prayer was, “How? How do I blog through such brokenness?” I can’t talk about play dough when my life feels like it’s falling apart. I told a friend, it was if the Lord was saying, “Jeanette, I’ll give you a few days to work through this. Then you need to get back on the ‘battle- field!'” I shook my head as I sobbed through my prayer. I’m not sure I got up from my knees with any answers that day. What I do know is, my life is His. There is a battle raging for our families and He wants me back on the battlefield encouraging my  Sisters to pick up their armor on a daily basis. How can I encourage you to do that if I don’t do it myself?

I hear of so many times when the body of Christ fails to admit sin. When they try to hide, pretend they are Holy. I want you to know that this is not the case here; not in this situation. I’m not pretending, hiding, or holding onto any personal agenda. I have forced myself to continue to have an eternal perspective, even when my flesh was screaming about the temporal pain.

I don’t know how a child can grow up in a loving home, a noisy home with laughter and love, a home where the Word is read, a home where His praises are sung, with a family who communicates, and builds each other up, only to have a child make  decisions like our daughter has made. I may never understand.

 brokenness1

What I do know is this, I will not put on a coat of false guilt for myself no matter how often the enemy tries to lay it over my shoulders and wrap it around me on a daily basis. I know, that I know, that I know, these choices and decisions were her own, not mine. Yet, that doesn’t take the pain away. It doesn’t fix anything for anyone. As the mother of a child who has injured so many others who were innocent, I must take responsibility for that. I must be able to make the hard decisions that need to come as a result, no matter how painful they may be.

I have cried. No, I have sobbed. I have not been able to get up off my knees. I have thrown up because of how sick  it has made me. I have lost sleep. I have wept. I have held it together when I didn’t think holding it together was possible. All of it, I have done under the Shadow of His Wings.

Through His strength, I continue to walk this journey. I hear His voice continually calling me through the process… “Come away with me to a quiet place.” He has not left me, my family, my daughter or all of those that she has hurt. I am confident, that the Author and Finisher of my faith will complete this story He has begun. He will receive eternal glory… Somehow.. Some way.

So with that note, I say to all of you that have allowed us to invest in your lives, for each of you that continue to care for and love our family, this is where we are.

Blogging through Brokenness by His strength and grace alone.

Mrs. Joseph Wood

Secure Your Mask on First ~ Read the Word

I love to read the Word and to hear my God speak.

Sometimes I don’t know that I can hear him. It’s quiet on this end. Other times, it’s as if he’s using a blow horn to reach me!

I often find that God uses the most unusual life circumstances to speak to me. Does that ever happen to you?

 I sat on a flight for California to surprise my father for his 67th birthday. I have taken many flights. I have heard the stewardess say that same speech before take-off so often that I’m almost able to recite it myself!

Oxygen and the air pressure are always being monitored. In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you. To start the flow of oxygen, pull the mask towards you. Place it firmly over your nose and mouth, secure the elastic band behind your head, and breathe normally. Although the bag does not inflate, oxygen is flowing to the mask. If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person. Keep your mask on until a uniformed crew member advises you to remove it.

Today, there were 11 words that seriously spoke volumes to me!!

“Secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” 

I honestly sat there thinking, ‘I’m not sure I would obey that rule.’ I started thinking of all the scenarios and each time my thoughts came back to… “secure your mask on first and THEN assist the other person”

My mind went wild with thoughts of my plan. I am a person who likes her plans! Visions of me trying to help others as I was gasping for air myself because I originally thought to take those few minutes for myself would be… what should we call it, Selfish? Unnecessary?  Eventually, I picture myself dying (I know I am totally dramatic… just being real here!) as I am trying to rescue that last sweet child on a flight, or the elderly woman.

Do you find yourself gasping for air? Secure your own mask first! You must be grounded in the Truth of the Word of God before you can help others.

I was a pitiful mess with my thoughts! So I started over with my plan of action. I decided I would put my mask on super duper fast and then help everyone else. That scene then played out in my mind and started taking a turn for the worse as well. I had applied my mask so fast that it wasn’t “secure”, I was careless and soon discovered I hadn’t “secured” the mask to my face at all.. now it was lost in the cabin of the plane, and I was gasping for air, unable to help another soul.

I got off that plane thinking I should never fly alone. Flying with my thoughts is dangerous. Completely exhausting!

It wasn’t until a morning walk, two weeks later, when the Lord started reminding me of that trip. He started using the “blow horn” to speak volumes to my soul!!

It was if my eyes could see so clearly. I could see that over the last year He has been drawing me into a relationship with him that says, “YOU are my daughter. I LOVE YOU. I want you to secure your mask FIRST and then go help others.”

That was hard for me to grasp. Yet, as I look back I see so many simple ways that God has made a way for me to feed my soul the oxygen it needs so that I can be there to minister His breathing and living Word to others.

Ladies, we must take care of ourselves. Secure our masks first. Not because we don’t love those around us, but because we do love them! So many times I can go through life seeing the needs of others around me and feel this overwhelming desire to serve and help them before I have even made sure that MY mask is first secure. Let’s make a personal rule that we secure our own masks first and THEN we assist others!

Do you find this as hard as I do? I understand, I really do. We see so many women who are selfish and do not love serving others, who only think of themselves. We try so hard to be the opposite of that that we swing so far to the other side. We are off balance and not taking care of us. We aren’t reading the Word of God! We’re gasping for air, struggling to help all those around us, yet we’re dying ourselves!

We need the balance that only Truth from His Word can bring in our lives. There are so many passages that call us into a love relationship with our God. Most of us know the story of Mary and her decision to simply sit at her Master’s feet…. Mary knew she had to “secure her own mask first and then assist others.”

We really do need to grasp the importance of this Truth ladies… and I am probably the most desperate to grasp it for myself!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

Do you find yourself gasping for air? Secure your own mask first! You must be grounded in the Truth of the Word of God before you can help others.

Do you find you are gasping for air? I want to help you find your breath!

As Mary knew it was vital for her to sit at the Master’s feet so we must realize our vital need to be in the Word.

Psalm 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

Psalm 119:11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

Psalm 119:5 O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes!

After we spend time in the Word, then, we need to make sure that we’re taking care of ourselves. Consider exercise, music, art, drinking enough water, etc.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Luke 12: 22 And he said unto his disciples, Therefore, I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.

Romans 12: 1 I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

Philippians 4: 6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

After that, then let us look outward to serve others.

1 Peter 4:10 As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

Galatians 5: 13-14 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

John 13: 12-14 So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.

The Benefits of Living in a Small Home….Where it all began

Today’s post is a “just for fun” look at where it all began, when I wrote of the benefits of living in a small home.

When I started blogging, I was blogging through a forum called Homestead Blogger. Did you ever blog there too? Or maybe Homeschool Blogger? What a fun community it was!

As I was working on the blog today, I came across this blogpost and thought it would be fun to share.

This was my very first blogpost. This, is what started it all.

From October 4 2006:

 

The Lord blessed us with 40 acres up near Yosemite here in California. Our property has 4, year-round springs, 3 creeks (two seasonal and one that runs year around with a breath-taking waterfall!), 1 pond, many varieties of fruit trees, wild grapes, blackberries, raspberries, walnut trees and a cozy 3 bedroom/1 bath 1000 sq. ft.cottage.

Since we are finishing up with an adoption of three of our children, we didn’t want to move and have any other delays so for now we have two homes. The property with the 1000 sq. ft. cottage and then our home in town with almost 3000 sq. ft. 

I originally thought we would need to make plans to build a larger home. I suppose if I told anyone that we were honestly considering not building, rather simply making this home cozy, they would put us away for sure!!

I have noticed many benefits of living in a small home and started wondering, “Who came up with the idea of a larger home being better anyway?” 

 After living in both very large homes, and smaller more primitive ones, I found the pros way outweighed the cons in living in a smaller home. Even though we have a large family!

Since we have been going back and forth, I have noticed that when we are at the cottage we don’t spend as much time cleaning because there just isn’t as much to clean. I don’t spend as much time day dreaming about my decorating ideas because there isn’t as much to decorate. I also don’t spend as much money because we can only have room for what we need. 

Yet the largest advantage I have discovered was just this last week! After a week of staying at the cottage I was pleased to discover that we had plenty of room- I never heard anyone complain about not having enough space or saw children bumping into each other for lack of walking room. 

 

However, It wasn’t until we came back to the city home that I saw the REAL work that had been taking place. 

 

In days past I often didn’t know what room a child was in. I would ask, “Where’s Jed” and learn that he was asleep in his room or even out on a walk with a friend! The home is so large everyone just kinda goes their own direction most of the day. Not any more! Now they all huddle together moving from one room to the next. I don’t think any of the children realize they are doing it, and I haven’t mentioned it to them- it sure is a delightful treat to see! 

 

If I move to the kitchen, here come all ten children…. If I move to the bedroom… Again here come all ten children. I really think I am going to like the advantages of a small home!

 

 

P.S. I would say that saving on your power bill is another advantage however we don’t have a power bill up there. We will be living on solar, hydropower, and whatever else my Joe finds a liking too!

Childlike Faith

Childlike Faith ~ Beautiful!
Originally posted as A 3-Year-Old in PJ’s
(Reposted from the Archives)

My baby just turned three the first part of this month and is very interested in cowboys and such. His imagination has really been going full speed!  Last night while I got him in his p.j.’s he asked me, “Mommy, what happens if the bad guys show up at our house with guns?”

I replied, “Oh no sweet boy! The bad guys won’t come here because we have angels around our home.”

Still quite curious he said, “Do the angels have guns Mommy?”

“No sweetie, they have swords,” I answered.

Quickly he responded, “Do they always win?” and just as quickly I said, “Of course! They have God on their side! If God is for us who can be against us?”

With a great big sigh and a sparkle in his eye he said, “Mommy, I know what the angels say when they see the bad guys coming?”

“What sweet boy, what do they say?” I asked.

With a strong, confident voice he replied, “They say, ‘LOSER!‘ “

That night when I went to bed, I started thinking about my confidence. You know as we grow older we should grow more and more confident in God. How is it that I find myself so insecure at times? Why do I doubt that His will is going to be perfected in my life no matter what comes my way?

So, today as I started to worry about the plans of the enemy against me I responded just like baby in his p’j’s and said with confidence… “LOSER!!!!”

May God have victory in our lives all for HIS GLORY!!!

Matthew 18:2-4

And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever, therefore, shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

You know as we grow older, we should grow more and more confident in God.  How is it that I find myself so insecure at times? I love this reminder to have faith like a child. I hope you will be encouraged too!

 

Obedience without Fear: Having Confidence in Christ’s Plan

Have you ever had God giving you the same message over and over again through different people and places?

That’s what’s happened to me this last week!

I was just busy going about life as usual.

Is life perfect? No! But, I’m doing okay.

My life at this present moment is stable. Nothing is out of the ordinary. Things are bite size manageable pieces.

There are no pending concerns. No crossroads that I can see up in the near future.

This is just me, walking along this, sometimes monotonous path seeking Him!

That’s when I heard Him speak to my soul!

Obey with Confidence! God has a PLAN for you! www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and Equipping women in their ministry in the home.

I didn’t go searching this passage out. If anything, I was simply trying (as pitiful as those attempts might be) to be faithful in doing my Bible Study!

Revelations 3:8

I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

I have read the Bible cover to cover many times (I’ve lost count) so I’ve read this verse before. When I heard it this day it was saying something to me. What it was saying though, I wasn’t sure. I got my Bible out, turned to Revelations, and started reading so I could remind myself of the text. I started asking, “what open door?” I don’t know about you, but my first response to open doors is to shut them! I don’t know what’s on the other side, don’t feel a need to change the “status quo” and often just settle for the daily task of trying to maintain the current “safe” status. When I do need a door open I am often standing in front of closed doors trying with all I am worth to open it in my own strength… how totally exhausting!

then I continued to read…

“Thou hast a little strength” yep! That would be me! As I finished examining this verse, I was struck by the confidence that God displays in us.

It wasn’t an hour later. I was attending an online webinar when the woman stopped in her speaking and said something to the effect that she just needs to take a moment and say this before she continued. What was “this”? “God has equipped you for what He has set before you. Do not be discouraged by the voices of others. Do not be fearful, just be obedient!”

Have you ever heard someone talk, and you know God is trying to use them to tell you something? That’s how this felt. I kept going to God about it in prayer often through the week, multiple times in a day! Each day I would hear someone from somewhere talking about the confidence we can have in Christ. The importance of not “fearing” and the encouragement to be obedient.

That’s what I want to be: obedient without fear!

Sunday I was reminded of the Israelites going out into the wilderness, exactly where God had called them. Could it be? Does God really call us into the wilderness? At times, yes! Take a look at Mark 6:31 “Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while.”

I want to walk through those open doors that God has set before me… even if those doors take me out into the wilderness!

Is God calling you to something that fear keeps you from? Are you weighing out all the reactions that will come from your decision? Please hear my encouragement today: Just obey!

Wouldn’t it be better to know that you are right where God wants you, even if it were a painful, hard, or lonely place? How could we ever really experience Joy if we go anywhere else than where He’s called us… I don’t want to go where it appears to be a pleasant place if that’s now where God’s called me.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I do know God is already there waiting for me…. and you! Let’s obey!

Until our next chat, Mrs. Joseph Wood

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 5 ~ Your Questions Answered

With a series like “Intimacy in the Christian Marriage” there are bound to be questions. There were questions in my mailbox before I even posted the first of this series, Intimacy in the Christian Marriage. It’s important to me that I answer all of these questions for you and others. I know this is a difficult subject to discuss. However, if we don’t start talking about it as an “older” woman to a “younger” woman we risk leading the “younger” women to all the wrong sources. We want to be “older” women who share thoughts based on the Truth of the Word of God. I want you to live victoriously in this area of your life! I want to see your marriage thrive for the glory of God! Let’s see if I can’t help provide you direction with that goal in mind.

Intimacy in Marriage Part 5 ~ Your Questions Answered www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and equipping moms in their ministry in the home

Question #1 So as someone who was sexually abused. How do we get past the feeling of being dirty to satisfy my husband and the ability to open up to him and fulfill his requests? What acts are pleasing to God? That is an area I have never been informed in and it already hard to open up. What is proper and what is not?

Answer: Intimacy can be a very challenging area of marriage for couples who have been through abuse. However, we know that God restores what the locus has taken. We know that He wants the married couple to experience the beauty of intimacy in a way that brings him Glory. So how can you make that transition? By the grace of God! Seeking Him for direction in this area of your marriage is absolutely necessary! God cares about these details.

The details of what is okay to do and what is not will vary greatly from couple to couple. The foundation of where to get the “okay” is found through Scripture. Use Scripture as a ruler when you consider what is acceptable and what is not. I love weighing my actions, thoughts, and words against Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Ask yourself, “Is this true, is this honest, is this lovely, is this of a “good report”, if you feel like the answer is no to that question, talk to your spouse and discuss how to build your times of intimacy on this principal. 

Question #2 There are things he wants that I’m not comfortable with, but am I even allowed to feel that way? Are my hang ups things I need to work through or are his expectations unrealistic because of his years viewing porn and how do you tell the difference?

Answer: I discussed this a bit in the question above. However, I want to make sure I answer your question specifically. You asked, “Am I even allowed to feel that way?” Your feelings are given to you as a guide. We are not to be ruled by our feelings, but we must own the fact that God gave us feelings so how does he want us to use them for His purpose. I teach my children that those feelings can be used wisely or foolishly. I say all this to say, “YES!” you are allowed to have those feelings. Those feelings may very well be from the Lord. It’s important to talk with your spouse and ask that you build this time of your relationship very purposefully. Talk about what you both feel is pure, true, and lovely in the sight of God. Only do what you both agree to fit these guidelines. I firmly believe that the Christian couple should stay away from anything that would have the appearance of evil. Our time of intimacy should not look anything like pornography. 

Question #3 How much do you feel should be “explained” before a bride and groom get married. I’ve heard conflicting reports on this. Some say they need to know it all, some say you are violating their first- time experience. If you have older children, how much have you explained as far as intimacy goes…all of it so they know what to expect or leave it to explore together? Thank you!

For our family, I discussed the act of intimacy from a physiological aspect, the purpose of intimacy, the lies they might hear about intimacy, and then I answer any questions they might have. It’s a precious time of conversation between myself and my girls. My married daughters still feel comfortable to call me today with questions. I do my best always to be available to answer those questions as an “older” woman in their life teaching them first to love their God, their husband, and their children. I have richly, and I do mean richly savored the moments of mothering my adult children. I am thankful the Lord has given each of them spouses who honor me and trust what I am saying to their wife. I don’t take that responsibility lightly. 

Do you have a question? If so make sure you leave a comment below, and I will do my best to answer. 

Until our next chat, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 4– When I don’t Feel Like Being Intimate

 

 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Part 4

Intimacy in the Christian marriage, part 4 is as important as the first three posts in this series. Quite often, I hear from women the question, “What do I do when I don’t feel like being intimate and he does?”

Okay, so we’ve probably all been there at least once in our marriage. We’ve battled toddlers with tummy bugs, cleaned up the bathroom floor more times than we can count, had unexpected tasks that demanded our attention in the midst of it, the laundry baskets are overflowing and the sink is somewhere under a pile of dishes. We determine that we’re going to accomplish the basic survival tasks for the day and go to bed with a clean house and happy family! As we plop ourselves down in bed at the end of it in exhaustion, we hear our husband’s request for intimacy.

Communication is a HUGE component within intimacy. It’s important that we can clearly communicate our needs to our husbands and that they can communicate their needs with us. As with so many other areas of marriage it’s about each party giving to the other for the better of that person and the sacred union they share in marriage.

With that said, it’s important that we don’t deny our spouse of this time of intimacy very often! In fact, the Scriptures say:

1 Corinthians 7:5 ” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

What’s interesting about this passage in 1 Corinthians is that it says, “Defraud” ye not one the other. This word defraud comes from the Greek word, apostereō, which means to defraud, spoil, or rob. 

When we consider the actually meaning of this word, defraud, we can see the danger in not being honest with one another through intimacy. An example of this fraud would be pretending we’re asleep. Or what about the danger we put ourselves in when we spoil this time of intimacy with a bad attitude?  Or simply rob our spouse of intimacy all of which can lead to the dangerous undermining of our marriages! 

Intimacy in the Christian Marriage Part 4: What do I do when I don't feel like being intimate? www.amomentwithmom.com Encouraging and equipping women in their ministry in their home.

Not only being available for our spouse, but cheerfully available, is vital to a healthy marriage! 

We know that we can’t do anything good on our own. We are deceiving ourselves if we think it’s really us that makes us create a delightful marriage bed. That too is only the work of the Lord! Let me give you some tips to help us make sure we’re keeping our eyes on the Lord and activity aware of what we need to do to protect this area of marriage so that, “Satan tempt” us not for our “inconsistency”. 

Devote this time to consistent prayer!

Walking in patience and unity in this time of marriage, is just as important as walking in unity with finances, child training, or other issues of creating your “home” atmosphere. 

Remember the passage we talked about today and consider practical ways to apply the truth and be ever aware of the warning! 

I was listening to Michelle Duggar share about this topic recently. She said something to the effect of this; Anyone can iron my husband’s clothes, or answer his calls, but it’s only me that is blessed to serve him in this area of his life. She went on about how she’s used that thought to remind her, throughout the years, of how in this one area she is the only woman who satisfies her husband!

As we consider this passage in 1 Cor., as we really ponder the application of the meaning of “defraud” as it’s used in this verse, I believe all of us can see areas where we can improve our response to intimacy when we’re exhausted. Don’t let the enemy have any room to undermine your marriage. Be active. Communicate! Be purposeful in having a thriving marriage! 

With much love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood 

Part 1 Intimacy in the Christian Marriage- Is God Silent?

Part 2- How We Should Behave

Part 3– Overcoming Pornography

Part 5– Your Questions Answered

 

Ideas for Children Who are Bored

In our culture we hear so much about offering children stimulating environments where they can learn, it’s almost as if we’ve failed when we hear the words, “I’m bored” (most often said in the whiniest voice ever!)

My thoughts and ideas for children who are bored may come as a surprise to some. Yet, I really want to share these ideas for children who are bored, especially with you younger moms.

I know you’re getting bombarded with all the Pinterest perfect crafts, FB statuses of friends who’s children live adventurous lives. I know that comparison is hard for the best of us to overcome. So when we struggle with doubts of “not being good enough” or we’ve really thought we succeeded in a special project, it can be disheartening to hear a child say, “I’m bored”.

Do you know the feeling I’m talking about or am I the only one that’s had this experience?

Ideas for Children who are Bored. Cultivating Hearts. www.amomentwithmom.comI still remember the first time my child said, “I’m bored.” It felt like someone hit me in the gut! I had just put my all into providing him with the very best afternoon rainy day project I could think of! Instead of him being thankful and excited about it, he wanted something else.. something grand!

I learned quickly as a young mom that I was not the leading act from the traveling circus here to make sure my child had a bored-free childhood! I just didn’t have what that would take! I’m so glad I gave that idea up early on in my mothering!

I truly believe we’re doing an injustice to our children when we don’t confront their idea of being “bored”.  Let’s think about it for a moment. The truth is that sometimes life is dull, that’s a simple reality right? Times when we are truly bored (bored defined as: lack interest in our current activity). Standing in line at the DMV for hours is the first situation that comes to mind. However, we don’t demand that someone entertains us do we?

I believe it is wise for us to redirect our child’s attention on the character they lack instead of trying to fulfill their every whim of boredom.

Does this mean that I don’t want to provide stimulating, beautiful, childhood days for my child? Of course not! I want each of my children to look back with fun memories. I just believe I won’t accomplish this goal if I don’t teach them how to overcome boredom.

Here are some ideas for children who are bored that I want to leave you with:

My child being bored is not a reflection of me, rather it is a reflection of them.

Redirect the focus! My children have learned to come to me and ask, “Mom, is there anything I can do?” Instead of saying, “Mom, I’m bored!” Do you see the difference? When they come asking what they can do I often have fun projects, other times I have some tasks that may or may not be on our regular to do list. Whatever my response, I always start by saying, “Thank you for asking…..

For children who have struggled with being bored we have solved it pretty quickly by offering them extra chores. It’s simple, the rule in our home for children who are bored is to get extra chores. Not because I’m upset, but because I am redirecting their attention- life isn’t about ME it’s about serving others. We have joy when we truly get this concept. It’s something all children should grow up learning.

Cultivating grateful hearts! I believe that by creating this type of  “bored free” environment has helped to cultivate grateful hearts in each one of us here at home, children and parents alike.

Embrace the quiet moments of life. It’s not healthy for us to fill every moment with busy activity. It’s a skill for children to learn how to embrace the quiet moments of life. It has been something we’ve practiced in our home by having a quiet time each day or moments when I required them to sit quietly and wait patiently.

Parenting is about equipping our children for success! When things really could be classified as “boring” we need to give our child the tools so they can  learn how to get through those situations successfully. We do not want them to grow up thinking  it is acceptable to ask someone else to “fix it”? Don’t you agree? Let’s keep that in the forefront of our minds as we train these little ones for Him!

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What are your thoughts  and ideas for children who are bored? I’d love to hear!

Until our next chat,

Mrs. Joseph Wood